After healing from a break-up in late 2016, I decided it was time to go on a dating rampage. I re-installed Tinder (again), added Bumble and Coffee Meets Bagel to the mix and refreshed my OKCupid profile.
I probably spent at least an hour a day swiping, messaging and connecting. It felt like the least-fun game in the world, but one that I had to play if I wanted some semblance of happily ever after (or if I ever wanted to have sex again, real talk).
I went on what felt like a billion dates with a billion different people. A handful of those people were interesting. Most were not. No matter the person, the location, the conversation, there was never a second date during this stretch. Sick of swiping and small talk and men who drank too much and asked too few questions, dating fatigue set in. Fast.
Discovering my ex was dating someone new in early 2017 (friends don’t let friends stalk their ex’s Instagram!) gave me a fresh burst of enthusiasm for my hateful rotation of dating apps, but by the time the summer rolled around, I was done. Done done done. I would have rather eaten a bowl of nails than swipe right or left ever again.
I deleted all dating apps from my phone and embraced my new, app-free single life. “I may never find love,” I thought to myself. “But if the trade-off is never going on another miserable first date ever again, I am 100% at peace with this outcome.” I swam and biked and danced and read and wrote. I was free of the scourge of Tinder! Free of the small talk and awkwardness and too-drunk come-ons and radio silence and crushing, crushing tedium of it all.
Happily, I met someone wonderful in early 2018 and haven’t thought about Tinder since.
That is, until I got a somewhat shocking email in my inbox earlier this month:
Whaaaaaaaahhhhhhh???
You mean, this entire time, my face and profile and cleavage have still been floating around and have still been swipe-able on Tinder?
THIS ENTIRE TIME?
Apparently!
Here’s the fine print under Tinder’s Community Guidelines:
Account Dormancy
Tinder is fun to use... all the time! Use Tinder at the lake, use Tinder while eating cake. Use Tinder when you’re out, use Tinder when in doubt! But, if you don’t log in to your Tinder account in 2 years, we may delete your account for inactivity.
I should have known that just deleting the apps and all their data was not enough. You have to actually delete your account. Which, I mean, egg on my face!
How do I delete my account?
For security purposes, if you want to delete your account, you’ll need to do it directly on the app. Please note that you'll permanently lose your matches, messages and other information associated with your account.
If you deleted the app, download the app again
Tap the profile icon at the top of the main screen
Go to Settings
Scroll down and select Delete Account. You’ll see a message that says "Account successfully deleted.”
Bear in mind, if you log in to Tinder again after deleting your account, a new account will be created.
Note: Deleting the Tinder app does not delete your account. If you subscribed to Tinder Plus or Tinder Gold using your Apple ID or Google Play Store ID, deleting the app and/or your account does not cancel your subscription. If you subscribed on Android or Tinder for web (Tinder.com) using your credit card, deleting your account will cancel your subscription automatically.
Gross!
So, in summation!
1) I am a dummy who does not read the fine print. But I suspect many, many other people are also non-fine-print-reading dummies.
2) When you saw your friend’s boyfriend on Tinder and messaged your friend to say he’s cheating on them, perhaps he was just a dummy like me who didn’t properly delete his account. (Different story if it was your friend’s husband, sorry. Two year rule.)
3) All those times when I swiped right on guys who seemed perfect for me and I never got a match from them — they could have just been Tinder ghosts! Men who were actually in a relationship and out of the Tinder game, but floating around in the Tinder universe anyway because, like me, they didn’t properly delete their profile.
4) If you saw my face floating around on Tinder these past eighteen months and thought “Wow, she must be really unhappy in her relationship!” or “Wow, she must be non-monogamous!”, the correct answer = neither.
Tinder, you stupid jerk.